Stats Since 2000: Cleveland Browns
Winning Seasons: 4
Playoff Appearances: 3
Playoff Record: 1-3
Championships: 0
It’s January 28th, 2001. Ravens owner Art Modell stands in the middle of the field at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay, Florida, hoisting up his new Lombardi Trophy that the Baltimore Ravens just won in Super Bowl 35. He praises his team, his coaches, his players and the city of Baltimore for their victory. He is now a Super Bowl winning owner after being so close so many times before.
Meanwhile, 375 miles away, the city of Cleveland is in absolute anger and disarray. Fans all over the city agree that this should have been their victory. The Cleveland Browns should be Super Bowl 35 champions had it not been for the deceit and secrecy of Modell.
Those fans think back at the Browns history for a second. Art Modell had been the owner of the Browns since 1961 and had been close to getting the franchise to it’s first Super Bowl on many occasions. For one reason or another, they could never get fully over the hump. In 1995, Modell reached a secret deal with the city of Baltimore to move the Browns out of Cleveland and rename them the Baltimore Ravens. The fans were devastated, but the NFL did promise to bring football back to Cleveland if the city built a new stadium. The stadium was built, the Browns came back to Cleveland in 1999 and all was right in the city.
The fans suddenly say, “Yeah, we’ll be back, and we’ll get the Lombardi Trophy soon enough. The Dog Pound will have its day in the sun.”
Welcome to A Series of Inept Franchises. In this series, well, it’s in the title. I’m breaking down one franchise in the four major American sports every week and I’ll take a quick, yet deep dive into why a franchise has so many problems. For the interest of time and not to bore you with deep history and lore, I will only be diving into a franchise’s history since the year 2000. It’s been 24 years since then, trust me, there’s plenty of history already for teams in this near quarter century.
Just a warning, this series may contain some swearing and yelling, from you, the reader, at your favorite teams. Upon reading this, you may become mad, you may cry, you may want to throw up and you may want to yell at God. Reader discretion is advised. Sounds good? Good.
For this first instance, we’ll be going over one of the NFL’s most complex teams, the Cleveland Browns. I say complex loosely because it truly is baffling just how bad the Browns have been since they’ve been back. No team with this much history should be this bad.
Also, just a heads up, I’m going to cheat a little bit here. The Browns came back in 1999 so I’m going to talk about everything from that point forward. I normally keep it to only dating back to 2000 but the Browns have been so dysfunctional, I have no choice but to go back one year farther to when they came back into existence. Plus, again, it’s my blog, who cares.
Let’s get into what I feel has been the major issues for the Browns this century, poor head coaching choices, poorer Quarterback play and maybe the poorest drafting by one team this century.
Head Coaches…Not Good Ones
As we head into the 2024 season, Kevin Stefanski is the Browns current Head Coach. He is also the longest tenured coach for the Browns since 2000 and that’s saying something. The Browns have been back for 25 years and have had TEN, different coaches. In case you are bad at math, that adds up to one head coach every two and a half years. Of those ten coaches, two have been to the playoffs, two have had winning seasons, one has had multiple winning seasons, and one has been named Coach of the Year.
For the sake of rambling, I’m just going to list them all and give a brief summary. Trust me, I’m doing this for the good of all of us. Let’s start at the beginning…
Chris Palmer, 1999-2000: I have no idea who Chris Palmer is, nor will I be doing research about a coach who went 5-27 with a .156 winning percentage. Honestly, it’s not worth my time.
Butch Davis, 2001-2004: Butch Davis left a very good and very stacked University of Miami team to be the Browns 2nd head coach. He had some success and was one of the two Browns coaches to make the playoffs and have a winning season. In 2002, they lost a tight matchup in the Wild Card to the rival Steelers. That would be Davis’s only success and he would be out the door in 2004. He finished 24-35 and would actually end up being the 2nd greatest Browns coach this century (so far).
Romeo Crennel, 2005-2008: Romeo Crennel has been around the NFL for a long time. He’s one of those guys that’s a pretty solid Coordinator but unfortunately, just not a great Head Coach. He has been a 4-time Defensive Coordinator and had great success in New England and Houston specifically. As Browns HC however, he finished with a 24-40 record. He was a DC right before the Browns and became a DC again right after the Browns. Pretty much sums up his whole career.
Eric Mangini, 2009-2010: Mangini was at an interesting point in his career at this time. He had just been fired by the Jets and he still had the Spygate cloud looming over him after he blew the whistle on the Patriots and their dynasty. Unfortunately, this cloud followed him to Cleveland, and he finished with a 10-22 record. He’s been a pretty good analyst on ESPN for a couple years now so at least he still has that going for him.
Pat Shurmur, 2011-2012: Like Romeo Crennel, Shurmur is one of those guys who’s better as a Coordinator than a Head Coach. Not much to say other than he finished with a 9-23 record. Again, like Crennel, he was an OC right before the Browns and an OC right after but never found success as a Head Coach with the Browns or anywhere else in the NFL for that matter.
Rob Chudzinski, 2013: We’re getting into the really dark times of Browns Head Coaches. Chudzinski was the OC for the Panthers right before his stint in Cleveland and resided over the Cam Newton led offense. That Panthers offense still went 13-19 under his watch and the Browns decided to hire him. Why? Only God knows. Chudzinski lasted just one season in Cleveland going 4-12.
Mike Pettine, 2014-2015: Pettine was an interesting hire. On one hand, he was the Jets DC from 2009-2012, the same Jets who went to back-to-back AFC Championship games on the back of their Defense. Pettine helped build them into a monster. On the other hand, he left the Jets and followed Head Coach Rex Ryan to the Bills to be their DC and that team went 6-10. Then after that losing season the Browns decided to hire him. What? How does that make sense? He finished his Browns tenure with a 10-22 record.
Hue Jackson, 2016-2018: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (takes deep breath) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. A winning percentage of .088 and a record of 3-36-1 which includes the Browns 0-16 season in 2017. That’s all that needs to be said.
Freddie Kitchens, 2019: This coaching decision made some sense but was still bad. Kitchens was the Browns OC in 2018 and was responsible for making QB Baker Mayfield look pretty decent as a rookie. The following 2019 season didn’t work out exactly the same way. During that season, the Browns and Steelers broke out into a brawl in the 4th Quarter of Thursday Night Football after Browns DE Myles Garret hit Steelers QB Mason Rudolph with his own helmet.
Hang that in the Louvre.
Later that season, Kitchens was seen wearing a shirt that said “Pittsburgh started it.”, further instigating a brawl that A) was already over, B) as of this day, was a result of something of racial intent said on the field and C) led to the season long suspension of his best Defensive player.
Not the best look I’m afraid. Kitchens went 6-10 in his one year as Head Coach and was fired after the season.
Kevin Stefanski, 2020-Present: Here we are, finally, the man of the hour, Kevin Stefanski. The greatest coach in Cleveland Browns history this century. To be honest, that’s not a high bar to climb over. Stefanski has led the team to two playoff appearances under his reign and has also won Coach of the Year twice in 2020 and 2023 respectively. I think if they give him some time, he could turn out to be a solid coach. But this is a blog about inept franchises so the Browns will probably fire him after next season if it proves to be a losing season. Wouldn’t be his fault though. He can coach the team as best as he can but it’s up to the players to go out and actually play well.
And there it is, the coaches of the Browns this century. It’s been a wild ride but we’ve finally reached the end of the road….what’s that?….this is only the tip of the iceberg?….the Quarterbacks are somehow worse?….well then, let’s keep going!
Quarterbacks Grow On Trees Apparently
It’s a running joke at this point but the Browns have had THIRTY-EIGHT different Quarterbacks start a game for them since they came back in 1999. I’m going to make this a bit easy on everybody and put these QBs into tiers starting with tier 4, then tier 3 and so on. Any questions? No? Onward then.
Tier 4: Who Are These People?
Spergon Wynn, Luke McCown, Bruce Gradkowski, Thad Lewis, Connor Shaw, Austin Davis, Kevin Hogan and Jeff Driskel. Who in the actual hell are these people? Cleveland natives who won a contest to be a QB for the Browns? For heaven’s sakes this is such an unserious franchise even on its best days.
Tier 3: Journeymen and Backups
Ty Detmer, Doug Pederson, Kelly Holcomb, Jeff Garcia, Trent Dilfer, Charlie Frye, Derek Anderson, Ken Dorsey, Jake Delhomme, Jason Campbell, Brian Hoyer, Josh McCown, Cody Kessler, Tyrod Taylor, Case Keenum, Nick Mullens, Jacoby Brissett and PJ Walker. You may recognize some of these names. Some have had success, some have been to a Super Bowl and one won a Super Bowl as a starter. In the end however, their journey all took them to the same Quarterback wasteland, Cleveland, Ohio. Congrats I guess.
Tier 2: The Draft Busts
Tim Couch, Brady Quinn, Colt McCoy, Brandon Weeden, Johnny Manziel, Robert Griffin III, DeShone Kizer and Dorian Thompson-Robinson. You’ve definitely heard of these guys, that doesn’t mean they were good. They were all simply just bust after bust after bust in the NFL Draft (more on this in a bit). Yes, I’m aware RGIII wasn’t drafted by the Browns but he’s still a notable draft day bust that Cleveland took a chance on. For that, he belongs in this tier.
Tier 1: The Success Stories
Baker Mayfield, Redacted and Joe Flacco. That is literally it.
Some people will say that the QB known as Redacted, aka The Nasty Man (shoutout to Yahoo!’s Charles McDonald for the nickname), shouldn’t be on this list for one reason or another. And, I would agree as far as his off-the-field stuff is concerned. I may be a blogger but I’m also a genuine human who thinks everyone should be treated with respect, especially physically, so I get it. On the field though, while he’s definitely the worst of the 3 QBs listed, he’s better than any of the other QBs listed in the other tiers. So, by default he belongs on this list.
As far as Mayfield and Flacco are concerned, they are 2 of the 3 QBs who helped get the Browns to the playoffs. The other is Kelly Holcomb but he only played a part of that playoff season and doesn’t belong on this list. No, I will not be taking questions on that stance at this time. Mayfield took the Browns to the brink of the AFC Championship in 2020 but they came up just a bit short. Flacco brought the Browns back from being on the brink of death during this most recent 2023 season and helped them get into the playoffs. Both have since moved on from the team as the Browns seem to be willing to stick with Redacted for the near future.
Quick side note, I know some of you might be wondering what that colorful patch is right there. That is actually the Abuse Survivor Unity Flag. Considering everything we know about the sexual assault allegations against Redacted, that flag is a fitting replacement for his name. Afterall, he’s not a good person. I was working at a sports station in Houston during his downfall, trust me, I know firsthand how much of a scumbag he is.
Now I think the worst part about these Quarterbacks is the tier 2 section. The “what could have been” is always a fascinating thing to look back on when it comes to Draft Day busts in the NFL. I say we go back and look at them…….now.
Draft Day Woes
The Browns are so bad at drafting, Hollywood went out and made a movie about them having a good day at the NFL Draft because they know there’s no way that would happen in real life. If you don’t believe me or if you’re a sports fan that’s been living under a rock, check out the movie Draft Day. Shoutout to Kevin Costner being the go-to actor for sports movies. A true GOAT of the industry.
Back to reality, the Browns are, yes, very bad at drafting as I said. They have selected 28 players in the First Round of the draft since 1999 and only 4 of those 28 players made it past their rookie contract with the team. Shoutout to Joe Thomas, Alex Mack, Myles Garret and David Njoku, you guys did well. The jury is also still out on Jedrick Wills and Greg Newsome II as they are still in their rookie contracts. Thoughts and prayers to you boys.
The Draft busts, there’s so many so I won’t list them all but I’ll shout out some of the big names.
Tim Couch: The first pick of the new franchise. He threw 2 game winning Hail Mary’s in his career. Might be better at this than Aaron Rodgers…maybe. That’s his career highlight. Bust.
Courtney Brown: 17 career total sacks is not what you’re expecting from the first overall pick. Bust.
Kellen Winslow II: The son of a legend. Also known for getting in a motorcycle accident that cost him the 2005 season. Bust.
Braylon Edwards: More known for being a member of the Jets. Bust. Editor’s Note: This blog was posted on 3/4/24 and this morning, news came out that Edwards saved an 80-year-old man’s life. Major props for that. Still a bust though unfortunately.
Trent Richardson: Couldn’t find a running lane even if his blockers were five 18-wheelers.
Maybe he was dyslexic or something. The Browns somehow fleeced the Colts in a trade for Richardson that brought them back a first-round pick. He was even worse in Indianapolis. Bust.
Brandon Weeden: known for being a 28-year-old NFL rookie after his baseball career flamed out. Did nothing of note with the Browns. Bust.
Barkevious Mingo: Not even going to mention it, you can look up what he’s known for these days yourself. Bust.
Johnny Manziel: The first-round pick that was gained as a result of the Trent Richardson trade was used on Manziel. The owner of the Browns was convinced to draft him after a homeless man told him to do it. That is a real thing that happened and 100% not a joke, I swear. Manziel was an alcoholic who put in zero effort with the Browns. I literally mean zero because it came out that the team checked the usage on his team issued tablet used to study game film and it had zero time used on it. Bust.
Jabril Peppers: Known for being a 2-way player in college. Lasted 2 seasons with the Browns before being traded. Has bounced around the league a little bit since then. Bust.
The Browns are terrible at drafting. There’s no easy way to say it. It’s no wonder that they are in the bottom tier of the league in regard to winning percentage since 2000. It’s truly a miracle that they have made the playoffs 3 times since the beginning of the century. These miracles should be proof enough that God is real because no human could bring this franchise out of the dirt where it has laid all these years.
If you’ve made it this far, I congratulate you. You’re a football sicko who clearly loves to see other people suffer. If you’re a Browns fan and still reading this, you clearly love pain and I suggest you may want to consider some form of therapy or a hobby to let out your frustrations. Either way, I commend you.
Cleveland might be the saddest football city in the country. It’s a debate between some other cities but I doubt any of them have a better argument than Cleveland. I want to see the Browns do well. We all love an underdog story. It’s what this great country was built on after all. But until that underdog story happens, in the words of Jim Rome, “The Browns are gonna Brown.”
